Internal Narratives: The Stories That Shape Leadership

As a child, I was described as a "sensitive boy". For twenty years, I carried this as a weakness; a belief that shaped how I saw myself and moved through the world.

Twenty years ago, something shifted. I recognised that what I had always received as a limitation was, in fact, something to embrace and develop. What others called sensitivity was actually a heightened capacity for perception that I could cultivate into what many now call (though I dislike the phrase) my "superpower".

This transformation illustrates something fundamental about leadership development: the stories we tell ourselves about our capabilities, our challenges, and our experiences become the lens through which we interpret every leadership situation. These internal narratives can either unlock our potential or create the very interference that limits our effectiveness.

In my Leadership Equation framework (Performance = Potential minus Interference), I've observed that internal narratives represent one of the most powerful forms of interference leaders face. Yet they're often invisible to the people experiencing them, operating below conscious awareness whilst significantly shaping behaviour and performance.

The question isn't whether you have these internal narratives; everybody does. The question is whether they're serving your leadership or limiting it.

The Power of Internal Stories

Every leader carries an internal narrative about their capabilities, their role, their challenges, and their potential. These stories develop over years of experience, feedback, successes, and setbacks. They become so deeply embedded that we often mistake them for objective reality rather than recognising them as interpretations we can examine and, if necessary, change.

I worked with a senior manager who had developed the narrative "I always feel sick when I'm doing presentations". This wasn't a casual observation; it had become such a deeply embedded story that her body responded accordingly, creating a cycle where the anticipation of nausea actually produced it.

Her technical expertise was exceptional. Her insights were valuable. Her analytical capabilities were strong. Yet this single narrative created such powerful interference that she had to step off stage during presentations, and on one occasion, asked her boss to finish a presentation she couldn't complete.

This represents a classic example of how narratives can create interference not just mentally but physically, limiting access to capabilities the leader already possesses.

Common Narrative Patterns That Create Interference

Whilst the specific details of internal narratives vary enormously between individuals, I've identified several common patterns that tend to create interference in leadership contexts:

The Impostor Narrative

"I don't really belong here. Eventually, people will discover that I'm not as capable as they think."

This narrative creates anxiety, over-preparation, and reluctance to take appropriate risks or delegate effectively. Leaders operating from this story often exhaust themselves trying to prove their worth rather than leveraging their existing capabilities.

The Perfectionist Story

"Any mistake reflects poorly on my leadership capabilities. I need to get everything right to maintain credibility."

This narrative creates paralysis around decision-making, reluctance to try new approaches, and difficulty learning from failure. It also makes it challenging to create psychological safety for others to take risks and learn.

The Hero Complex

"I need to have all the answers and solve problems independently. Asking for help shows weakness."

This story leads to micromanagement, team disengagement, and leader burnout. It prevents the collaborative problem-solving that complex challenges typically require.

The Victim Narrative

"Things keep happening to me. I have little control over outcomes and external circumstances determine my effectiveness."

This narrative reduces agency, creates reactive rather than proactive behaviour, and limits the leader's sense of influence over their environment and results.

The Control Story

"I can manage outcomes if I work hard enough and anticipate every possible variable."

This narrative creates over-analysis, difficulty with delegation, and struggle with uncertainty. It often leads to team dependence rather than empowerment.

Each of these narratives contains some truth and may have served the leader well in certain contexts. The interference comes when they operate unconsciously and inflexibly, preventing adaptation to new circumstances or challenges.

The ABC Model and Narrative Awareness

In my emotional intelligence work with clients, I often use a variation on Albert Ellis' ABC model to help develop narrative awareness:

A (Activating Event): What actually happened? B (Belief/Narrative): What story am I telling myself about what happened? C (Consequences): What are the emotional and behavioural results of that story?

This framework helps distinguish between objective events and our interpretation of those events. Often, clients discover that their emotional and behavioural responses are more connected to their narrative (B) than to the actual event (A).

For example:

• A: Received feedback suggesting improvement in stakeholder communication
• B: "They think I'm incompetent at managing relationships"
• C: Defensive response, reduced engagement, over-analysis of every interaction

Alternative narrative:

• B: "They've identified a specific development opportunity that could enhance my effectiveness"
• C: Curiosity, engagement with feedback, focused skill development

Same event, different story, completely different consequences.

Narrative Transitions and Leadership Development

Internal narratives often shift during major life or career transitions, sometimes creating temporary identity confusion or reduced confidence. I worked with a government official whose emotional intelligence scores decreased significantly during a major personal transition.

What emerged wasn't a loss of emotional intelligence capabilities but a temporary mismatch between his evolved internal narrative and his leadership context. His story about what mattered most, how to show up authentically, and what constituted effective leadership had shifted, but he hadn't yet integrated these changes consciously.

This created what appeared to others as reduced authenticity and engagement, but was actually a natural part of narrative evolution that required conscious attention and integration.

The Physical Impact of Stories

Internal narratives don't just affect our thinking; they create physical responses that influence our presence, energy, and effectiveness. The manager who tells herself "I always get sick during presentations" experiences actual physical symptoms. The leader who carries the story "I don't belong here" may exhibit postural changes that communicate uncertainty.

This connects to my work with embodied perception. Often, our bodies recognise limiting narratives before our minds do. Physical tension, changes in breathing, or shifts in energy can signal that our internal story is creating interference rather than support.

Learning to read these physical cues provides early warning signals about when our narratives might be hindering rather than helping our leadership effectiveness.

Cultural and Contextual Narratives

Internal narratives become even more complex in cross-cultural leadership contexts or during organisational transitions. Stories that served well in one cultural or organisational context may create interference in another.

I worked with an executive who had developed his leadership identity in a hierarchical military context where decisive authority and clear command structures were essential. When he transitioned to civilian organisations requiring collaborative leadership, his internal narrative about effective leadership initially created interference.

The work wasn't about abandoning his military leadership strengths but about consciously adapting his narrative to serve new contexts. His story evolved from "Good leaders command respect through authority" to "Good leaders earn influence through competence and collaborative capability".

This required conscious narrative work rather than simply learning new techniques or skills.

Developing Narrative Consciousness

Becoming conscious of your internal narratives is the first step toward working with them more skilfully. This awareness allows choice where previously there was only automatic reaction.

Several approaches can help develop this consciousness:

Notice your language patterns. Pay attention to how you describe challenges, opportunities, and your own capabilities. Words like "always", "never", "everyone", and "nobody" often signal narrative patterns worth examining.

Track emotional responses. Strong emotional reactions to feedback, setbacks, or challenges often point to underlying narratives. Ask yourself: "What story am I telling myself that's creating this response?"

Examine your interpretations. When facing difficult leadership situations, consciously ask: "What assumptions am I making about others' motivations or reactions? What alternative interpretations might be equally valid?"

Seek external perspective. Trusted colleagues, mentors, or coaches can often observe narrative patterns that are invisible to you. They can help distinguish between objective circumstances and your interpretation of those circumstances.

Practice narrative flexibility. When experiencing challenges, experiment with different stories: "What if this conflict is about competing priorities rather than personal animosity?" or "What if this setback is information rather than failure?"

The Constellation Approach to Narrative Work

Sometimes verbal exploration of narratives isn't sufficient to create lasting change. In these cases, I often use constellation methodology to make internal stories visible and workable.

This might involve creating physical representations of different aspects of a leadership challenge: the narrative about your capabilities positioned in one location, stakeholder expectations in another, actual requirements of the role in a third position.

When clients can literally see and feel the spatial relationships between their stories and reality, insights often emerge that weren't accessible through purely cognitive analysis. They can experiment with different narrative positions and notice what shifts in their physical experience and emotional response.

This approach recognises that narratives aren't just mental constructs; they're embodied experiences that influence our entire presence and effectiveness.

Common Challenges in Narrative Work

Several patterns consistently emerge when leaders begin examining their internal narratives:

Attachment to familiar stories. Even limiting narratives can feel safer than uncertainty. There's often resistance to examining stories that have provided identity and structure, even when they no longer serve effectively.

Fear of losing edge. Some leaders worry that questioning limiting narratives might reduce their drive or competitive advantage. In my experience, conscious narratives typically enhance rather than diminish effectiveness.

Identity confusion. When long-held stories shift, there can be temporary uncertainty about identity and approach. This discomfort often precedes greater authenticity and effectiveness.

External pressure. Others may resist changes in your narrative and behaviour that result from increased consciousness. This creates pressure to maintain familiar patterns even when they're no longer serving well.

Perfectionist narratives about narrative work. Some leaders approach narrative awareness with the same perfectionist story that creates interference in other areas: "I should be able to change my story immediately and completely."

The Connection to Other Leadership Capabilities

Narrative consciousness enhances other leadership capabilities rather than replacing them. When your internal stories support rather than hinder your effectiveness, you have greater access to:

Strategic thinking without interference from limiting beliefs about your analytical capabilities.

Emotional intelligence without narrative-driven defensive reactions that cloud your perception of others' responses.

Communication effectiveness without stories about how others will receive your message creating anxiety that affects delivery.

Decision-making capability without narratives about perfectionism or control creating paralysis or over-analysis.

Stakeholder relationship management without stories about threat or inadequacy affecting your ability to engage authentically.

Supporting Others' Narrative Development

Leaders who develop consciousness of their own narrative patterns become better equipped to support others through similar processes. This involves:

Creating psychological safety for people to examine their own stories without judgment or immediate pressure to change.

Modelling narrative flexibility by openly acknowledging when your own interpretations might be limiting and demonstrating willingness to consider alternatives.

Asking generative questions that invite people to examine their assumptions: "What story are you telling yourself about this situation? What other ways might we understand what's happening?"

Avoiding narrative impositions. Rather than telling others what stories they should adopt, creating space for them to discover their own more helpful narratives.

Recognising narrative transitions. Understanding that major changes often trigger narrative shifts and providing appropriate support during these periods.

The Ongoing Practice

Like leadership itself, narrative awareness is a practice rather than a destination. New challenges bring new stories. Life transitions trigger different narratives. Leadership transitions reveal assumptions we didn't know we carried.

The goal isn't to achieve perfect narrative clarity but to develop ongoing consciousness of how the stories we tell ourselves shape our leadership effectiveness. With this awareness comes choice; the capacity to work with our narratives deliberately rather than being unconsciously limited by them.

This practice becomes particularly important during what I call "wet fish moments"; those sudden realisations when we recognise that a story we've been telling ourselves isn't serving our growth or effectiveness. These moments of recognition create opportunities for narrative evolution that can transform leadership capabilities.

The Transformation Potential

When leaders develop sophisticated awareness of their internal narratives, several things typically happen:

Reduced reactivity. Without unconscious stories creating interference, there's greater choice in how to respond to challenging situations.

Increased authenticity. Conscious narratives typically align better with actual capabilities and values rather than inherited or assumed stories.

Enhanced resilience. When setbacks and challenges aren't filtered through limiting narratives, they become information and learning opportunities rather than threats to identity.

Improved relationship quality. Without narrative-driven defensiveness or projection, interactions become more genuine and collaborative.

Greater strategic capability. Conscious narratives support rather than hinder access to analytical and creative thinking capabilities.

The Invitation to Conscious Narrative Choice

I wonder what might emerge if you approached your next leadership challenge with curiosity about the story you're telling yourself about the situation.

What if, instead of accepting your initial interpretation as objective reality, you experimented with asking: "What other ways might I understand what's happening here?"

What patterns might you notice if you paid attention to the language you use when thinking about your capabilities, your challenges, and your potential?

Your internal narratives are more powerful than you might realise. They're shaping your emotional responses, influencing your behaviour, and affecting your leadership effectiveness in ways that operate largely below conscious awareness.

The question isn't whether you have these stories; everyone does. The question is whether you're willing to develop consciousness of how they're operating so you can work with them more skilfully.

Your next breakthrough might require not learning something new, but examining a story you've been telling yourself about what's possible. The narrative that's limiting you today might be the very one that served you well in the past but no longer fits your current leadership context.

The courage to examine and potentially revise your internal stories might be the key to unlocking leadership potential that's been there all along, waiting for the right narrative to allow it to emerge.

---

Ready to explore the stories that shape your leadership? Developing consciousness of your internal narratives can transform interference into authentic leadership strength.